August 2, 2012

Adoption, blogging, and a DIY

I think it's time for an adoption update... although there's not much to report.   A key player left town for 2 weeks and a paper that we need to move forward is now (6 weeks later than expected) still not in our hands...   As many adoptive mamas will tell you, this process produces a constant wave of emotions- wavering between panic, rage, sadness, hope, and disappointment... and then when you do get good news at all-out craze of pure joy.  As a kid, I used to have a dream that I was running through the woods and somebody was chasing me.  Strangely though, the woods were lit up by a light so bright that I had a hard time seeing anything. It was like staring into the sun.  As I ran, I had to shield my eyes and squint and I just knew that at any moment I was going to run into something or fall on a tree root I hadn't seen. On top of my visual impairment, my body felt like it was running in slow motion.  No matter how hard I tried I couldn't make it move faster. I was breathing heavily and giving it all my effort but I just couldn't move any faster. It felt like I was trying to run in a river against the current.  Today, that's how life feels.  I feel like time is chasing me and while it can see just fine and move as freely as it always has, I am desperately trying to stay ahead of it but can't.  I'm worn out, unsure of what's ahead, and moving (despite how hard I try) at a snail's pace.

However, despite this, I have a peace.  A peace that God is in control and even though I don't understand, I don't have to. While the frustrations and sadness and anger float near the top, peace runs deep. Very deep. And for that I am thankful.


I also have hope.  I have hope that she will be here by Christmas.  While I feel like hope is dangerous (because I don't want to be let down), it's also necessary.  So will you hope with me?  Will you hope that my baby is here soooon?  And if you are one who prays, would you pray that God will break through, perform a miracle, and bring this child home?  Will you also pray that Abiella feels our love and is filled with supernatural joy, and that her health would be blessed and that her little body would continue to grow stronger and stronger?

You readers are wonderful, and I appreciate all the warm comments and loving encouragement you have sent us throughout this process. I'm so thankful for you and the creative outlet this blogging world provides. I love that I can sit down and write about anything from debuting on BET to adoption. What a gift!

Much Love,
Mae

PS: My beautiful, amazing, wonderful, super-talented sister Maddie is one of the reasons I gathered my guts and started this here blog. She's hilarious and fun and one text from her can have me laughing all day long. This week she has an amazing series going on right now and I may or may not have taken over her blog for the day.  Want a cheap and easy DIY?  Go see what hangs in my living room HERE.

10 comments:

Kara said...

I am sending you all the hope and positive energy I can muster!

Hugs,
Kara

Angie Lawlar said...

I'll be praying.

We are also adopting from Ghana. I fell in love with the country when I was there for a few weeks back in 2010. We are currently figuring out when we can fly in our home study writer. Wouldn't you know it, the capital of Alaska doesn't have an agency to do home studies ?!

Angie

Kaity said...

Sending prayers, love and happy thoughts your way :)

Brianne Heape said...

Praying & hoping for Miss Abiella!

because of Him,
Brianne

Shawn said...

I so completely relate to your blog post today! We are adopting a little girl from China and I too am HOPING we get to bring her home by Christmas. We are slowing moving forward and I am feeling all the same emotions. Thanks for such a great word picture to describe this frustrating, wonderful, heart-wrenching, glorious process to adoption!

Meagan Murtagh said...

can't wait until she can come home!

vintage grey said...

Mae, I will be praying for sweet Abiella, and that the Lord will bring her home soon!! The Lord is so good and faithful! xo Heather

Alana said...

Praying! Always have hope. :)

JMc said...

Hoping and praying with you that your sweet baby is home in time to start new family Christmas traditions and maybe even Thanksgiving, Halloween, beginning of fall ones too! :)

Michelle said...

Just stopped and said a prayer for you!! And I'll keep praying!