November 6, 2012


It is 2:10am and I’m wide awake. I’ve become a regular companion of this unfortunate hour the past few weeks. Fall asleep at 11, wake up at 1, back asleep at 1:30, up again at 2:00, asleep again at 5:00, up again when the feeding pump alarm goes off at 5:30…Despite my frequent meetings with insomnia, Abiella (thank God) is typically sleeping 7-9 hours a night.  So why am I up then? Because the feeding tube is driving me crazy, that’s why.

Before we left the hospital, a nurse said to us “Keep a close eye on her at night.  If this tube gets pulled out a little and the food is still pumping through, it can go into her lungs and cause her to choke.” Hmm… is that so? Well then, I guess I won’t be getting any sleep EVER until this tube is history. Every single cough, sneeze, movement, grunt, or snort has me hopping out of bed, standing by the crib, listening for breathing, making sure the tube is still in the right place and double checking that all is well. Is this overkill? Maybe. But can I do it differently? No.

So- tonight- (this morning?) for the umpteenth morning in a row- I woke up from a noise I can’t even recall and now I’m lying awake, dogs at my feet, listening to Abi snore three feet to my left and Sara (the pup) snore three feet below me.

Am I happy? Yes.  Very. Am I tired? Uh-huh.

BUT these maddening battles with sleep are only a portion of our world.  In 2 hours I will disconnect Abi from the pole hanging above her bed, carry her on my chest to the kitchen, hit BREW on the coffee pot, and hang out with my favorite gal beside the fire…reading books, playing games, and singing songs. 

Life is good.  Very, very good…


You know what else makes life good?  The fact that my other mama (Sean’s mom) came to visit this weekend!!! Woohoo…. 

Meeting Abiella for the first time.



Too beautiful.

mae mae