January 26, 2012

Deep Thoughts... according to Jack Handey

My friend, Danielle's comment section on her blog is labeled "Deep Thoughts."  Today, I saw this section and was reminded of this guy:

Remember him?  I used to think that segment on SNL was absolutely brilliant and I went through a 2 year phase where I quoted Mr. Handey daily. To my friends who listened to the same joke every day... thank you for hanging in there.  We both got through that phase together. (This was around the same time, I consistently performed my very mediocre Brian Fellow impression.)

Today, the bug came back.  I saw Danielle's "deep thoughts" comment section and thought, "My gosh.  I haven't thought of JH in years.  I don't remember a single deep thought." But thanks to Google I very quickly rounded up a few of my ole favorites:

*Disclaimer: If you're not familiar with Jack Handey, 1) I pity you... 2) These are jokes.


“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.”
― Jack Handey

“Here's a good trick. Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go: Okay, is everybody ready to start now?”
― Jack Handey

“To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.”
― Jack Handey

“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.”
― Jack Handey

“Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, going through your stuff.”
― Jack Handey

Geez.  They get me everytime.

and just for good measure:

Is there anything better than Brian Fellow talking to that impersonating parrot? I mean, seriously.
Happy Thursday!


Stephanie of Pretty {much} Art said...

I forgot about Jack Handey! "Sorry, got these sacks." Haha! So funny.

Sara said...

Ohhh this is one of the many reasons we are friends & framily :) I love you so much, MS!