Court has not happened yet. I don’t talk much about it on here because A) I didn't want to have to write "waiting on court" one more time and B) the truth of that fact punches me in the gut so hard that I can hardly catch my breath. It's like I am treading water with no sign of shore. It’s emotionally exhausting.
Jen Hatmaker (blogger, adoptive mama, speaker, author of the book ‘7’ which all of you must read) wrote in a blog post, “Please let me explain something about WP (waiting purgatory): It sucks in every way. Oh sure, we try to make it sound better than it feels by using phrases like “We’re trusting in God’s plan” and “God is refining me” and “Sovereignty trumps my feelings” and crazy business like that. But we are crying and aching and getting angry and going bonkers when you’re not watching. It’s hard. It hurts. It feels like an eternity even though you can see that it is not. It is harder for us to see that, because many of us have pictures on our refrigerators of these beautiful darlings stuck in an orphanage somewhere while we’re bogged down in bureaucracy and delays.”
Amen. Amen. Amen. Waiting purgatory SUCKS.
My days tend to be consumed with coffee, waiting for any sign of movement on the adoption front (this looks like a lot of grunting and groaning and refreshing my email 2200 times an hour), and eating lunch with friends (thank God for the women in my life who make me spill my guts, even if it means we all ugly cry.) The nights look a lot like me writing grants, sitting by the fire with Sean, talking about the day, and hoping/praying for news the next day. (Sprinkle in some Wonder Years, Pinterest, and a few feel good movies like Dennis the Menace and you basically have a snapshot of my life right now.)
I'm also incredibly blessed to walk through this journey with two other adoptive mamas. We can sit around a table, let our guards down, order pizza and talk about super exciting things like 1-600's, homestudies and dossiers.
Bottom line: God is good. Each day is different. Some days are easier than others and some days are so difficult I cling onto prayer and encouraging words from others like it's my job. In the book 7 (previously mentioned) Jen addressed the final stages of "WP." She said it was hard for her to get out of bed and that her mother-in-law called to see how she was doing b/c her granddaughter had called “worried about Mom.” This was encouraging to read that other moms “who seem to have it all together” are desperately battling this waiting thing too.
Point is...We’re waiting. I’ll keep you updated and the day that court happens, even if you live on the other side of the world, go outside and listen closely, because you’ll probably hear me screaming from the rooftops.
Sidenote: If you have a friend who is going through WP, send them my email and I will send them all the blogs/books that have helped me along the way. There's a whole community out there, you just have to look in the right places.
Double sidenote: I'm still finding joy in my days, in spite of the waiting. I promise. See?
P.S. If you want to read something good to the soul, please read Jen Hatmaker's last two blog posts on Easter.